I want to start this by saying you aren’t alone.
You, sister, may physically be alone, sitting in your 48 hour old pj’s with your hair lookin’ like a freshly slicked Danny Zuko, but let me be the first to say:
You are loved.
You are valued.
And most importantly, you are a strong ass, hard working, gut busting, love making machine.
You are capable.
Devine love has brought you these children, but most importantly, in order to be the very best for these little animals, YOU, girlfriend, need to be at your best.
And being at your best does not mean every day should be sunshine and, pretty rainbow unicorns prancing around in a valley of happiness, no no, this is not the key to having a successful relationship with your familyThat shit is not real.
I mean doing things that really make your soul sing, like making fresh coffee for yourself in the morning, buying that lavender mint bath balm, wearing mascara for the first time in 500 days. Ya feel me?
They kinda go hand in hand together.
So here’s a virtual squeeze and a tissue, maybe some deodorant because, we’ve all been there.
And being there is a very scary place to be.
When Stevie asked me to be a guest on her blog to talk about finding your identity in motherhood, I felt honoured!
Y’all THIS IS MY FIRST BLOG POST.
And the fact that you’re here, reading right now, because of either a connection we’ve made or the relationship we have, ME…the crazy chick from Canada, is surreal!
Or maybe you know Stevie because she’s pretty rad too (hehe).
Either way, I’m so blessed and thankful to be here!
I wish I could just cheers you with some Maple Syrup and Ketchup chips!
There’s the truth: finding your identity once you hit motherhood is like finding a needle in a haystack.
It requires patience, trial and error, attention to detail, long hours, once in a while you’ll get dirty, you’ll cry, you may get sick, frustrated even.
You’ll give up. You’ll walk away from that haystack and think, “I’m not doing this anymore.”
My journey is very different one, but in all fairness, no two journeys are alike.
Mine just so happened to start in a completely different province, with a 2 month old, an intense battle with breastfeeding and a lot of tears.
like, A LOT.
The guilt, the loneliness, the lack of sleep, watching your body change, your physical appearance doing a complete tectonic shift, then… the baby cries, but WHY, why is she crying, hmmm okay let’s play 600 questions, and then blame ourselves afterwards, and then wishing you could escape, but JK you can’t, how about staring at the 4oz of breast milk that took you almost a week to pump out, while also watching your family and friends from thousands of miles away enjoy holidays, birthdays, dinner outings, wine nights…all without you.
This… was my motherhood.
And just like THAT, here comes the Niagara Falls size tears.
But sister, luckily I am not that person anymore.
Actually, I am the exact opposite. But if you know me in my personal life, it probably looked like I had it all figured out.
I am also not here to tell you “what to do” or become your very own Andy Anderson and give you an article on “How to Find Yourself in 10 days,” because I am 18 months deep, and somedays I still don’t know where my heads at. That’s life, and I’m not afraid to admit it.
So, what if I told you that somedays, I’m not a good mother, a good spouse, or a good friend.
That I shut down, I cry in the shower, I yell.
But, what if I also told you that somedays, I’m an incredible friend, spouse, and mother. I can smile, brighten your day, I can make you laugh and I can be there for you, I can listen.
I can love.
I can be happy.
What helped me is remembering that girl before she became a mom, before she took on parenthood, remember her… tell me, what was she like?
Did she like to read a book a week?
Did she like to teach?
Did she like to stay up until 2am watching Netflix, while eating Chinese food in her underwear?
Did she play video games with her friends overseas?
Did she like to paint, or draw, or sculpt? Did she have a hobby?
Did she go out, and I mean, really go out?
Did she like to scroll through Pinterest after a long day?
What was she like?
Because she is waiting for you my friend. You don’t need to go looking for her, she’s sitting on the couch waiting for you, with a glass of red wine and a shit load of gossip – and chocolate. And bad reality tv.
Now let’s rewind back to the haystack, and finally getting ahold of that damn needle.
VICTORY. IS. YOURS.
The relief, the happiness, to achieve something you never thought you could. It’s liberating.
I promise you, the light is there.
Start digging bitches!
Jenny, my favorite Canadian! I fell in love with Jenny when I stumbled upon her Instagram account mylittlelakes, her gorgeously curated feed and tell it like it is captions had me hooked. Jenny’s sense of humor yet raw truths speak to me often. Thank you so much Jenny for helping enlighten other mamas with your story and helping contribute to this series!
To read the previous stories and follow along with the series you can click the names below.