For those of you who don’t know me I’m Bonnie, the sarcastic turd scrolling around Instagram with a handle every mom can relate to… “Haveakidtheysaid“. I’m a new mother to a six month old baby girl, Charlie, and a step mom to six year old boy, Oliver. A/S/L you ask? (I hope some of you will get that) Well, I’m a 34 female, riding the streets of Huntington Beach, CA… just kidding I don’t ride anywhere anymore, strolling the streets is more like it, (pun intended). I’m hoping this little introduction sets you up for the kind of humor, or lack there or, that I have when I write.
Traded my sweet Harley wheels in for these Graco ones
I went from being a Harley Davidson promotional model and rider to a full blown overall wearing, stroller pushing mom clinging onto her cool vibes and youth.
Now that you have a small glimpse of who I am are you ready for a little more?
Here we go…
How have I, a self proclaimed bad ass motorcycle riding shit head, maintained my identity since becoming a mom? Well, its hasn’t been an easy journey for me; Many tears have been shed, breast milk has been leaked, coffee has turned cold and passions have be retired. I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom but the older I got and the more failed relationships I went through I started to doubting that motherhood was in my future. I had thrown myself into the one area in my life that made me feel alive, adventurous and free… motorcycle riding.
Rewind 6 years… my dad had passed away, I was in and out of extremely unhealthy relationships, I was working at a job I was miserable at, the only area in my life I thrived in (becoming a Police officer) abruptly ended, I felt like a total failure with a lot of self hate. My dad was always so prideful that his, “little Bon Bon” was going to be a cop. I was depressed, lost and knew something had to give. I’d cry on the floor screaming at God for putting me through this, the “why me?” kind of temper tantrums. Then one morning I decided if I couldn’t make my dad proud while he was alive how could I make him proud from above? At that moment I just had this overwhelming ah-ha thought. My dad had always talked about how one day, when he retired he wanted to buy a Harley and ride across the United States. He never had the chance to do that, but still I did. That week I emptied my savings and bought a Harley for myself in his honor. I didn’t know how to ride but I was determined to learn. I signed up for a beginner rider course, got my motorcycle license and for the first time in years, and I mean years, I felt alive.
Now here we are 6 years later and I’m sure you are wondering what the hell that tangent had to do with my identity as a mother. The answer is I found that when becoming a mom, one of the single most difficult things to navigate through is the transition of who you once were and who you are now. Who I once was (lengthy tangent above) molded and prepared me for who I am now. My past has allowed me to live without guilt, to live knowing my strengths and weakness’s, to live feeling secure in my decision’s as a parent and to live with a new selfless driven purpose… Charlie Ryan Stone.
However, like I mentioned previously, this hasn’t been an easy transition and my life has changed. How has it changed? Well, I’m glad you asked… For starters before I had Charlie I prided myself on being a professional sleeper [Insert Rocky theme song]. Literally though, I could nap for 3 solid hours and then sleep another 10 at night. I know you are all laughing as you read this because we all know when you become a mother the first thing you lose is your sleep. Welp, jokes on me. I haven’t slept through the night since I was 6 months pregnant and my championship sleep title and trophy have been ripped away. I had the easiest pregnancy and for a 34 year old that says a lot, it was only a matter of time before shit got real. I had a traumatic long labor that resulted in a c-section and an even more traumatic postpartum recovery. I wouldn’t say I was depressed but I cried endlessly at night in the shower, I lost feeling in both my hands for a month, my nipples were bloody and I felt so alone. Have a kid they said, it would be fun they said… (insert plug for myself, wink wink). After sucking down my now 3x reheated coffee I remind myself that in the mist of this season of life, I am in charge of taking control of my life and my identity. I will NOT allow sleep deprivation, grey hair, smooshy extra skin and a home taken over by toys to be what define me. What does define me is the strength I’ve gained in adapting to this beautiful, messy and stressful role I play as a mother. I make it a priority to be mindful about what I’ve been through, how I got here and the importance of taking nothing for granted. Oh and I’ve got a dream man rooting for me, he may be currently playing Fortnite but he is also rooting for me.
Lastly, one thing I know for sure and it is that motherhood changes you. You feel overwhelmed, your in pain- both mentally and physically, your clothes don’t fit, your hair falls out, your exhausted, your non-mom friends begin to make plans without you, your patience is easily tested , your motorcycle sits dead in the garage and yet somehow your heart is still bursting with love and you know, without a doubt, that this “new you” is who you were meant to be all along. I feel more alive now than ever before. My hair may not be brushed, my house is certainly not clean, my wrinkles are deep but my identity stands strong.
[Fun fact: I have Stand Strong tattooed on my feet]
I personally want to thank the 2 of you for making it through my entire post and for getting this far I want to gift you with a bit of truth… The truth is that the 3x reheated coffee I mentioned above is really a 3x refilled glass of wine. Cheers.
I found my girl Bonnie scrolling through the gram one day. I literally remember thinking ok- this mom is bad ass and I have to follow her and her sweet little family. I was drawn to her honesty, down to earth attitude, and sense of humor. When she agreed to write a post for this series, I knew it would be one worth reading! Bonnie, thank you so much for sharing your story and giving us a few laughs along the way. Make sure you also go check out her blog over at www.haveakidtheysaid.com
If you would like to follow along with the series you can do so by clicking the names below. So, go on, click around, read along, and be inspired!